Nui Went Down To Honnouji
by Jamielordofgingers
Summary: In which Nui Harime and Shiro Iori compete in an increasingly silly sewing deathmatch over a golden thimble.


Nui Went Down To Honnouji: A Kill La Kill Fanfiction

**AN:** Because we'll probably never see Nui vs Shiro competing in a sewing contest in the show, have this piece of trash. No points for guessing which song this is supposed to be.

* * *

Nui Harime sighed as she floated through the slums of Honnouji Academy. Ryuko Matoi had turned out to be dreadfully disappointing, letting her Kamui get cut up like that. Ah well, revenge for her eye obtained. Shame about Satsuki showing up before she could finish the job, but eh, C'est La Vie. Without the source of her power, she'd probably just sink into true despair and never be heard from again. With any luck, maybe some gangbanger would pick her up and make her his new favoured toy. Well, Nui could only hope anyway. Right now, she needed a new distraction. Pausing by a music shop, she looked in at a golden fiddle sitting in the window. Ooh, shiny.

So it turned out, not only was a golden fiddle stupid heavy, it also sounded awful. Totally not worth beating the shop owner to death with it. She'd somehow wandered up to the Academy proper, the great courtyard stretching out before her. Satsuki sure was proud of it. Maybe she should cut up a couple of towers just to knock her down a peg. On the other hand, she could see a blond girl pulling off some pretty sweet needlework over there. Her indifference was practically a challenge! Well then… Summoning a clone, Nui palmed the golden fiddle over to her.

"Here, see if you can do something with this."

The clone immediately began playing a jaunty tune with absolute perfection. Somewhere in the Academy, Nonon Jakuzure demanded to know who was calling her out. Nui's sole eye glared at her clone.

"You bitch."

[Fiddling Begins]

Nui went down to Honnouji; she was looking to have some fun,

She was in bind, bored outta her mind, from Rei she was on the run,

Came across this young girl sewing, weaving that needle hot,

Nui HUP-ed up on a no-star and said "Girl, let me tell you what."

"I guess you didn't know it, but I'm a fashionista too,"

"And if you care to take a dare, I'll make a bet with you."

"Now you weave a pretty nice uniform girl, but give this Couturier her due,"

"I bet a thimble of gold against your soul, cos I know I'm better then you."

The girl said, "My name's Shiro, and frankly, I'm a boy,"

"But I'll take that bet, you're going to regret, I'm no REVOCs toy."

Shiro, you're powering up your gear and praying you're not bait,

Nui broke into Honnouji, hate is love and love is hate,

And if you win you get this worthless thimble made of gold,

But if you lose somehow Nui gets your soooooul!

[Fiddling Intensifies]

Nui took out her needle and said "Please try not to cry!"

Life Fibers from her fingers as she threaded up the eye.

And she pulled that string across the cloth and it made a Moe hiss,

Then a band of clones popped in, and it sounded something like this:

_"__Mon mignon, prêt-à-porter!__"_

The courtyard of Honnouji Academy was suddenly filled to the brim with copies of the Grand Couturier, all incessantly giggling, goofing around and doing other activities that would be considered cute by the foolhardy. Nui's hands flew back and forth with lightning speed, even resorting to grabbing sections of cloth with her teeth when they proved unruly. You're free to imagine all this being set to the sound of fiddles or heavy metal guitar, depending on one's preference. Within moments, a lavish, Shakespearean style dress was formed; the ruffed collar set so thick it hard to imagine anyone wearing it without their entire head being swallowed by it. The curves were elegant, the shoulders and wrists suitably puffy. The cleavage window was ridiculous. Nui sat back on a chair of her own clones, smug and assured in victory.

When Nui finished, Shiro said "Well, you're certainly a berk,"

"Sit down in that chair you've made, and let me get to work."

"_Three Star Goku Uniform: Tailor's Regalia!"_

Threads covering planet, end of world,

Nui's in the house of rebellious girl.

Mako in Fight Club, picking up Toad,

"Satsuki, does your Dog bite?"

"No, Pig, no."

Jesus, those rhymes were painful. This was of little concern however, as cybernetic arms began their task, quickly moving up to Mach speed and becoming a blur around the captain of the sewing club, his own arms folded in quiet determination as many hundreds of two and three star uniforms formed from the giant ball of Life Fibers that had been summoned behind him. They flew off to whichever students needed them. Flaming fists for Gamagoori, a lightsaber for Sanagayama, public nudity for Jakuzure and Inumuta. Elsewhere, a banquet of two star uniforms fell into the laps of all those characters everyone forgot about from the first twelve episodes. His work completed, Shiro's uniform flashed back to its normal appearance, arms still folded.

Nui bowed her head, cause she knew she'd been beat

"Now now, Mr Author, let's not tell nasty lies about such sweet girls."

"You can't really fight the word of the story, Ms Harime."

"Bullshit I can't! This is completely rigged!"

"I'd like to point out that your dress has bite marks on it."

"What on earth is going on here?"

Satsuki appeared from nowhere behind Nui, Four Devas at her heels. The courtyard was covered in random scraps of cloth and Goku Uniforms. Bakuzan was drawn and primed at the Grand Couturier's back. A dramatic wind picked up, gently wafting clothing around like tumbleweeds. Nui drew her parasol from the hammerspace in her chest, taking a step forward and spinning to face the school president, popping it open.

"Sorry, Satsuki, but could you say something overly dramatic and tiresomely droll again?"

Satsuki's ever present frown flickered a little, gears in her mind working at full speed to figure out the other girl's plan. Nui licked one finger, holding it up into the wind.

"This is the third time you've been caught trespassing. You have been given fair warning as to the consequences of this."

"Good, good." Nui muttered as the frills on her parasol fluttered around in the strengthened wind. Satsuki levelled Bakuzan at her chest.

"Send my regards to my mother."

The lunging stab raced forward as the wind worked itself up to a fever pitch, Nui smirking as she was caught in the sudden updraft, free hand snatching her creation as she floated away, over the high walls of Honnouji.

"Oh no, look at that, looks like I win again. If it's any consolation, there was Nui way for you to ever beat me. Toodle-oo!"

The courtyard fell into silence as Satsuki sheathed Bakuzan once more.

"Good work Iori."

"Not at all, my lady."

"Gamagoori, call in the Student Janitor Club and have them clean up this mess. Everyone else, retire to your quarters, and let's all try to forget this ever happened."

"Yes Ma'am!"


End file.
